Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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