He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
