Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
honey bunches of taint.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
