were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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