Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
