Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
