I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
