Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
