Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
