dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
