I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
