nut hugger
I think I died a long time ago.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
i came on her dog
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
