I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
