remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
