watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
