Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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