im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
