i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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