I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
