I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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