Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
