Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
