Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
