She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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