No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
