I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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