do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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