Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
