her vagine was all disorganized.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
