and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
