She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
My life is pants optional.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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