When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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