Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
