Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
