I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Girls should come with a carfax report
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
