Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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