My pussy is not your playground.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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