A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
