it wasn't lemon gatorade
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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