so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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