her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I yelled at your uterus for you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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