around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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