Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Houston, we have a squirter
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
