I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
