In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
