She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
do herpes really smell.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
