No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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