i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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