So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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