Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
