having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
